Restoring Damaged Relationships

The other day, one of our boys built a large house out of toy building blocks. It was magnificent, it had a driveway, a garage, even trees growing on the roof. Another one of our boys, playing in the room, for some unknown reason felt the urge to kick the house down. That precipitated loud screams and yells from the first boy who proceeded to chase his brother through the house until he tackled him. The screaming brought me onto the scene, I pulled the two wrestling participants apart and calmed everyone down. I got the true story and asked the boy who kicked the house down to say he was sorry. The second boy forgave him, they hugged each other and went back to playing together. The animosities of a few minutes before were forgiven and forgotten. Wouldn’t it be great if adults forgave each other that easily?

However, as adults, when someone has wronged us, we often find it easy to hold a grudge. We may say things like, “I could never forgive them for what they did to me.” Or we may say, “I can forgive but I can’t forget.” Maybe, we just keep an internal record of wrongs, keeping score as the relationship deteriorates. When wrongs have been done in a relationship and they remain unreconciled, you have a damaged relationship. If those wrongs continue being unreconciled, if new wrongs are added to them, eventually the relationship may be completely destroyed. In addition, if you are the one who has been hurt and you have not practiced forgiveness, your own life will be destroyed, spiritually, emotionally and often physically. Damaged relationships are serious business.

God wants us to learn what to do to restore damaged relationships and to learn how to release ourselves from the grip of unforgiveness. Here’s the basic principle from God’s Word. NLT Colossians 3:13 You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Take a quick inventory of your life. Is there anyone in your life who you hold a grudge against? Is it possible for your mind and emotions to be released from the pain of what someone else has done to you? The Bible teaches that it is possible, through the power of forgiveness.

To hear more about this topic, listen to my February 27, 2005 message entitled Restoring Damaged Relationships

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Comments

  1. Dear Pastor Dan,

    God bless you.I have a question. My son-in-law has done something several times which have hurt me deeply. I tried to forgive him, and never talked with him about the hurtful things he was doing, knowing that he would just lie and deny that these hurtful things he did ever happened. I thought I had forgiven him until one day under great stress, I got angry and said some awful things about him, not knowing that he was someplace close by, unknown to me, and heard it all. Now neither he or my daughter will probably ever want to talk to me again. (my daughter has a problem with co-dependency and will back him up on anything, even disregarding anything her family says about her husband). I apologized for my un-Christian behavior, but i feel I’ve lost my daughter forever. What can I do? She only looks at her husband’s side of the story and believes him.(he physically hurt one of my other daughters once, and tried to have a relationship with another one…it hurt so much but my daughter who is married to him said she won’t believe me or anyone unless we produce evidence. Thankfully my other two daughters managed to forgive and move on but I feel like I’ve made a mess of everything because of one day I said some terrible things when my family has always known me to be more Christian than that. I really feel judged by my daughter and son-in-law. i live in another continent, by the way, so it’s not so easy for me to go to their house to try to restore damage. (this happened when visiting my family after four years. I still live with my two youngest daughters (I have 10 children, most are grown up)I do volunteer work, so as you see, i have a big reputation to live up to.

    Sincerely, Jan

    P.S. please pray for the relationship with my daughter to be restored, and if possible, with my son-in-law too.

  2. Please pray for my ex girlfriend Angie. She dumped me and she is a recovering alcoholic. She wont speak to me and is very mad at me. I dont know why.

  3. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY RELATIONSHIP TO BE RESTORED WITH MY EX FIANCE LORA. IVE NEVER LOST MY LOVE FOR HER

    1. Robert,
      I’ll pray for you. I’m sure pastor Dan is already praying for u too.
      I’m myself currently in a bad situation with my fiancé jacky too. We’ve both done things that hurt each other so much. But my love for him has never changed and will never change. I’m asking God to forgive me and my own forgiveness for and from jacky too.
      So I understand how u feel. I’ll pray for you. Pls pray for me and jacky too.
      Pls email me and tell me what your fiance’s name is so I can pray for you two properly?
      Lilyyip219@hotmail.com
      Lily

    2. Oh I overlooked your message. So her name is lora. I’ll pray for u two.

  4. Please pray that our relation with our church family be restored. We were seriously wounded by some of the members and now people dont praise the Lord like they use to, they act like they hate us, and they barely speak to us. Our worship service use to be a house of great praise and worship and now it’s like a silent moment. Pray that God will restore the Joy. Some of our members just deliberately lied on my husband who is the pastor at the church and they never came back to him and asked for repentance. One of the members told my husband he needs to ask the accusers to forgive him. I can’t understand why. My husband hasn’t done anything but remained very humble throughout the meeting. So tell me why should he apologize to someone who affended him? Please pray that God will restore the joy , happiness and the love back in the church. email me back at firstldyclem@yahoo.com.

  5. Hi.

    Please pray for me and Nicholas. We both are Christians and have been dating each other for past few months. Unfortunately we have fallen from grace and sinned. We repented of our sins. But to my surprise I found him strange in his attitude next day and I thought he dumped me. I then went to one of the sister in the Lord and brought everything before her as I was in grief and pain. When we prayed I agreed I will not see him again or text him or call him. The next day of this he sends me message with a fear of losing me and shows me how much he loves. But I am asking the Lord for Justice. Since I love him I gave myself to him. I want Lord to bless me with him as my husband. I’m not speaking to him nor seeing him. Please help me for my situation.

    Aarti

  6. Am hurting, just broke with my partner. I even dont know what i have done but he just told me that he cant continue and we can just be friends. I believed that I rela head from God

  7. Hello,
    My relationship with the love of my life feels ruined. I love him with all my heart. We dated for a little over a year and we fell in love with each other. Now he left to the army and we mutually broke up with eachother. He was my fiance and I want us to forgive each other in order to restore our relationship. He hurt me deeply and tells me he’s going to commit suicide and then he stops talking to me. I feel he still has feelings for me… I just pray that he will see that I am the girl for him and would never cheat on him but, he does not believe me. I’m a committed woman that would never hurt him. We are soul mates and had something most people were jelous of and that is true love. Please Pastor….pray for my ex and I… Thank you

  8. Hi Pastor.
    I have been in a 4 year relationship, it has been on and off.
    April 2012 we got back together, we have broken this off again which was at the end of OCT 2012. Saturday 10/11/12 we saw each other again.
    My ex is a Catholic and I am a Christain and these are one of the differences we have and the reason for our break up.
    He has turn to Alcohol to get his mind of things, Where I have prayed to God to restore this relationship for the better and for him to turn his life around. We are both stubborn.
    My parents are also pastors, and he use to come to my church every now and then.
    He hardly ever goes to church and all he wants me to do is convert to Catholic and thats just something that I could never do especially when im supporting my parents in the ministry.’
    During our 4 year relationship I have become more of a helper and provider than his actual girlfriend. I do love him very much and only want the best for our relationship. I want to fast and pray to God to restore our relationship and for both of us to become better people for each other and also accept the fact that my parents are pastors and having his support would just mean the world to me, but because he is a catholic things are just not working out well.
    Besides religion we are really good but I guess when we talk about me been a Christain and him been a Catholic its hard and leads both of us into arguments, he does have a temper problem which I have helped him alot in but seems to cant be focused on one thing, he switches his moods alot and thinks he is always right.
    We have said to each other that we love each other deeply and cannot live without each other and I think this religion thing has a srong hold over our relationship.
    I want him to stop telling me to convert to Catholic but then I again I want him to get out of been a Catholic.
    He came from been a 7 Day, to Morman and now hes a Catholic, I have only ever stayedas a Christain, but my main focus is for both of us just to have a relationship with God, without all these different religions.
    I want to fast and pray for this and for God to work through him and for him to come to his senses.
    Can I do this?
    I have been praying, but I know its all about been patient.

    Can you please advise me on this.

    Thank you so much Pastor for taking the time to read this.
    God Bless :)

  9. I’ve bee in a relationship for 8 years 3 months and there were up’s and down’s however I love her. I asked her to married me and she said yes, however 3mths before the wedding (Aug 17th 2013) she called it off. My life feels as if its over. Please pray for God to let his will be done and restore what we had. She converted and we attended Engagement Encounter which i will recommend to all couples. I have develop a better relationship with God and we attended church ever Saturday together. I think the devil did not like that because she came from a Islamic home she made that big step. I am hurting everyday with her and continue to pray that she can at least talk to me and let me know if its something i did or she just got cold feet. I am afraid that i will lose everything we worked hard for and it will never work again but i have faith. Please keep us in pray.Thanks.

  10. Me and my partner of almost 2 years broke up due to many issues we were once so in love happy and full of life now all we do is argue due to the negative energy surrounding us be it family and friends from her side and mines I wish I could remove the hurt and pain caused her and the lies and rebuild what we once share she forgave me once before but I know if granted this last chance I will promised to do my best to keep this love from ever going that route again I give anything for her to come back to me and restore the love trust and all we shared together and leave the negativity alone

  11. Please pray for me, my fiance left me after 15 years, is being 2 years but I am still in love and wish to get back together. I know is family does witchcraft and I believe this is the reason why we broke up. Is Muslim, I pray for his salvation. I love him with all my hearth and believe we should be together. Please pray for me.

  12. Please pray for me, Every part of my life is falling apart. I know God loves me , but I feel so empty.

  13. Hi Pastor and everyone

    please pray for me, since I broke up with my babydaddy, I have never had a good relationship, I am scared of getting hurt and my relationships don’t last. things seems to get worse at my parents home, we are so broken spiritually and almost giving up because of unending challenges..i know God loves us, thts why we are stil alie today, I hate evry minute I spend at my babydaddy s place because my daughter stays there, nd I have to go fetch her every Friday..i feel like the family tolerates me..i don’t see any progress in my life..i would love God o intervene and show me the way and give me wisdom to live in this world…I am requesting for your prayers, nothing I touch succeed, I have lost energy, I don’t want to fall, but I need strength to rise again…I ask all of this in the Name opf Jesus..Thank you

  14. Dear Pastor

    Please prey for restoration of my family and togetherness with my husband.My lovely husband left home 5 months ago leaving me with 2 kids but quite unfortunate that a daddy who really cared about his kids so much has no any other business to know about the kids wherebouts.I have realy tried fasting ,holding keshas in my house,involving prayer band members for this issue.One thing i always believe is that my husband can change to be a Godly person and more responsible.May God touch his heart wherever he is and think about his family.

  15. Lord You know all of my trials and sufferings. You know all the tears, fears, and anxieties i experiences daily. Father please intervene in my life and show me what You have in store for me Give me peace, comfort, and patience during this troubling time. Lord You know i love Nimalan so much. Help him see my worth my Lord.Father I feel that there is a another woman who is taking away his attention from me. Remove any blindfold over him and cast out any ego/pride/fears out from him. Touch his mind with Your almighty hand and guide him. Restore our relationship Lord not like the past but better. Place both trust, affection, patience, faithfulness, and love in us both. Unite us my Lord. Allow Nimalan to see how much I loves him. Show him he is to treat me as if i am the most delicate flower in this world with love and affection. Touch his heart and mind. Remind him of my love for him and his love for me. Clear out any cloudiness surrounding his decision and progress of this relationship. Open the lines of communication between us so that she always hears from him right now, today, tomorrow, and always. Lord I ask You this with all my heart to hear and deliver. In Jesus name I pray. . Unite us my Lord. In a Jesus name I pray. Amen

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About the Author

Pastor Dan Walker Name: Pastor Dan Walker Church: Life Church St. Louis Address: 15036 Clayton Rd
Chesterfield, MO 63017

I believe that God's truth is powerful enough to change lives, families and cities and I trust that this blog will give you a glimpse of the truth about what's important in life.

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